Lonely after 60? Practical ways to find good company

Feeling lonely after 60 is common, and it is not a personal failing. Retirement, a move, the death of a partner or friends moving away can empty a calendar quickly. The way back is rarely one big change. It is a few regular, low-pressure contacts: the same class each week, a volunteer shift, a friendly phone line, and people online who are looking for company too.

You are far from the only one

Around one in seven Australians reported feeling lonely in 2024, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, using the national HILDA survey. The same research found that people who are widowed or living alone are among the most likely to feel it, and that older adults are the most likely to be socially isolated, meaning they have few people they see or speak to.

Loneliness and being alone are not the same thing. Plenty of people live alone happily, and plenty of people feel lonely in a full house. Loneliness is the gap between the contact you have and the contact you would like. That is useful to know, because it means the answer is not to fill every hour. It is to add a few connections that genuinely matter to you.

Why loneliness creeps in after 60

Work used to provide company without anyone having to organise it. So did the school gate, the kids' sport and the neighbours you saw every morning. In your sixties and seventies those circles often thin out at the same time:

• Retirement takes away the daily chat with colleagues, and the structure of the week.
• Children and grandchildren move interstate or overseas for work.
• Old friends move to the coast, into care, or away to be near their own families.
• A partner's death leaves a house that is suddenly very quiet, and a social life that often ran through them.
• Health, hearing or giving up the car can make going out feel like a bigger effort than it used to be.

None of these is anyone's fault, and most of them cannot be undone. What you can change is how many small, regular points of contact you have in a normal week.

A week of small steps that bring people back

Big gestures are hard to keep up. Small, repeated ones work better, because seeing the same faces each week is how acquaintances become friends. Try this for a month and adjust it to suit you:

1. Monday: one phone call. Ring someone you have lost touch with. Most people are delighted to hear from an old friend.
2. Tuesday: a class. U3A groups offer classes for retired and semi-retired people at a small cost, on everything from languages to local history.
3. Wednesday: a few hours of volunteering. Op shops, libraries, community gardens and food relief services are always glad of regular helpers, and arriving with a job to do makes talking easy.
4. Thursday: a walk with others. Community walking groups go at an easy pace, and most people come as much for the conversation as for the exercise.
5. Friday: two messages online. Write to two people whose profiles share one of your interests, and ask them a question.
6. The weekend: say yes once. Accept one invitation you would normally turn down, even if you only stay an hour.

Our guide to where people over 60 meet goes through clubs, classes and groups in more detail, including Probus, bowls clubs and men's and community sheds.

Phone lines for when you want someone to talk to

Sometimes the most useful thing is a friendly voice today, not a plan for next month. These Australian services are worth keeping by the phone:

• FriendLine, 1800 424 287. Run by the charity Friends for Good, it connects you with a trained volunteer for an anonymous chat about anything you like. It is a free call, open from 10am to 8pm every day, and it is not a crisis line.
• Lifeline, 13 11 14. For times when you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, at any hour of the day or night.
• Beyond Blue, 1300 22 4636. If low mood or worry has hung around for weeks, this is a good place to start, alongside your GP.
• My Aged Care, 1800 200 422. If you receive aged care services at home or live in a care home, ask about a regular volunteer visitor through the Aged Care Volunteer Visitors Scheme, a government-funded program that matches lonely older people with volunteers.

Making new friends online, without feeling silly

Many people over 60 feel self-conscious about looking for company online, as if it were an admission of something. It is better thought of as a noticeboard. Everyone you meet on Single 60s signed up because they would like to meet someone, so you never have to wonder whether the person you are talking to is open to a new friendship.

On your profile you can choose friendship, romance or both, and your daily matches lean towards people who want the same. Profiles carry interests chosen for this stage of life, such as volunteering, documentaries, handicrafts, cruises and long conversations, so there is always something to write about. You can post a status update, comment on other members' posts and answer polls, which is a gentle way to be part of things before you message anyone. Chat rooms and group chats are another option, and our guide to chat rooms for over 60s explains how they work. Our page on friendship over 60 has more on using the site for company rather than romance.

When getting out is the hard part

If health, hearing or giving up the car is what keeps you at home, start with the obstacle rather than the invitation. Every state and territory has a Seniors Card, and most offer cheaper public transport, which can turn a long, costly trip into an easy one. Many councils run community transport for people who no longer drive, usually booked a day or two ahead. If group conversation has become tiring because of your hearing, a check with your GP is worth doing before you give up on clubs and classes. And on the days when going out is not possible, a phone call, a video call with family or an hour of chatting online still counts as contact.

When company turns into something more

Sometimes it does, and that is often the best way round: by the time anything changes, two people who have shared months of walks and lunches already know each other well. Sometimes it stays a friendship, which is just as valuable. Say on your profile what you are open to, and if you want friendship only, say so kindly and clearly. Most people appreciate knowing where they stand.

If you are worried about someone else

If a parent, neighbour or friend seems lonely, regular small contact helps more than an occasional big visit. A phone call on the same evening each week gives them something to look forward to. Helping them get confident online can open up video calls with family and new friends, and Be Connected, a free Australian Government program, has easy online lessons and in-person help through community groups across the country.

Keep an eye out for scams, too. People who are lonely are the people romance scammers look for, and a new online friend who quickly asks for money or wants to move the conversation to another app is a warning sign. Our guide to romance scams over 60 lists what to look for, and our safety page explains the checks that run on Single 60s.