Dating again after losing your husband or wife

There is no right time to date again after your husband or wife has died. You are ready when you want company for its own sake, not to fill a gap or please anyone else. Many widowed people start with friendship, take things slowly, and find that new company sits alongside their memories rather than replacing them.

How do I know if I am ready to date again?

Grief does not keep to a timetable, and the people around you will have opinions about yours. Some widowed people are ready to meet someone within a year; others wait a decade, or decide they never want a new partner but would love a companion for the theatre. All of those are normal.

A few questions can help you tell where you are. Can you talk about your late partner without the conversation being only about them? Are you curious about someone new, rather than looking for the same person again? Would you be all right if a date went nowhere? If the answers are mostly yes, you are probably ready to try. If thinking about it brings mainly guilt, it is fine to wait, or to start with something smaller, such as a group outing or a new class.

Is it normal to feel guilty about dating as a widow or widower?

Very. Many people describe feeling disloyal, even when they know their late partner would have wanted them to be happy. Some talk it through with a close friend, a counsellor or a grief support group first. Others find the feeling eases once they meet someone kind who asks about the person they lost. Loving someone new does not cancel a long marriage. It shows you are still capable of the thing that made that marriage good.

Can I look for friendship first?

Yes, and plenty of people do. On Single 60s you can mark your profile as looking for friendship to begin with, and change it later if your feelings change. People who write to you will know where you stand from the start. For some, a regular coffee companion or someone to walk with is exactly what is missing. For others it becomes something more over time. Our page on friendship over 60 explains how that works on the site.

How do I tell my children?

Adult children can react in surprising ways. Some are delighted that you are going out again; some feel protective of their late parent's memory; a few worry about money or the house. It usually helps to tell them early, before you have met anyone in particular, so that the idea comes first and a person second. Explain that you are lonely in a way they cannot fix, and that you are being careful. You do not need their permission, but bringing them along with you makes the first introduction much easier when it comes.

What should I say on my profile about being widowed?

A sentence is enough, said simply and warmly. "I was married for 38 years and lost my husband two years ago. I'm ready to enjoy some company again" tells a reader what they need to know without asking them to carry your grief on day one. Then talk about what your life looks like now: the garden, the grandchildren, the trip you have been promising yourself. Our profile tips for over 60s include more examples.

On a site for people over 60, you are likely to meet others who have lost a partner too, which can be a relief. They understand anniversaries, photographs on the mantelpiece and the occasional difficult day without needing it explained.

Is it all right to talk about my late partner on a date?

Of course. It would be strange not to mention someone who shared most of your adult life. The thing to watch is balance. Mention them naturally, as part of your story, and leave room to hear the other person's story too. Try not to compare a new person with someone you knew for forty years; nobody new can win that contest, and they should not have to enter it.

Dating after 70 and widowed

Many people come back to dating in their seventies, and among Single 60s members over 55, more than half are 65 or older. Dating at this age tends to be calmer and more honest. People are clearer about what they want, often less interested in moving house or merging finances, and happy with arrangements that suit them both, such as living apart while spending weekends together. Our page on dating over 70 goes into this further.

A word on being careful

Romance scammers deliberately look for people who have recently been bereaved, especially those who mention a late spouse on their profile. They are patient, attentive and full of sympathy, and they always end up needing money. However close you feel, money should never change hands with someone you know only from messages, and be wary of anyone who wants to move quickly to WhatsApp. How romance scams work sets out the warning signs.