Chat rooms for over 60s: friendly conversation, safely

A chat room is a shared conversation where several people talk at once, in real time, rather than one to one. On Single 60s every member can use a limited number of chat rooms. VIP opens more of them, including the VIP and Verified chat rooms, and lets you set up private group chats with people you have met. Private messages sit alongside the rooms, so a good conversation can carry on one to one.

Why chat rooms suit people over 60

A chat room takes the pressure off. Nobody is waiting for your reply alone, so you can read along for a while, join in when a topic catches your eye, and leave whenever you like. It is closer to wandering into a friendly club room than to going on a date.

Rooms are also a good way to get a feel for people before you message them. You see how someone talks to others, whether they are kind, whether they listen and whether their sense of humour matches yours. Plenty of friendships, and some romances, start with a joke about the footy or a question about someone's garden.

How chat rooms and group chats work on Single 60s

• Chat rooms. Every member can join a limited number of rooms. VIP adds further rooms, including the VIP and Verified chat rooms.
• Private group chats. VIP members can create their own group chat and invite people they have been talking to. It is a simple way to plan a lunch, a walk or a day trip with a few new friends.
• Private messages. Every member can send private messages, with a daily limit before upgrading. VIP removes the limit and adds read receipts, so you can see when a message has been read.
• Posts and polls. Status updates, comments and polls on the Activity Feed are another relaxed way to join in, and the details are on our features page.

It all works in the web browser on your phone, tablet or computer. If you prefer, you can add Single 60s to your phone's home screen so it opens like an app, and our page on using Single 60s on your phone shows how.

Your first ten minutes in a room

1. Read before you write. Spend a few minutes seeing what people are talking about and how they talk to each other.
2. Say hello with a question. "Morning all, anyone else up early watching the rain?" is easier to answer than a plain "hi".
3. Bring an interest. Gardening, the cricket, a good documentary, the grandchildren's latest: something specific gives others a way in.
4. Keep personal details back. Your suburb, surname and phone number can wait until you know someone well.
5. Move to a private message when it feels right. If you get on with someone, send them a private message about something they said in the room.

Chat room manners that make you welcome

Most rooms are friendly, and a few simple habits keep them that way. Greet people when you arrive and say goodbye when you go. Avoid writing in capital letters, which reads as shouting. Send one message rather than five in a row, and give others time to answer. Steer clear of selling anything, and drop a subject when someone clearly does not want to discuss it.

Politics and religion can be lively topics among friends, but they divide a room of strangers quickly. Holidays, food, sport, books, pets and the weather rarely go wrong. And if someone is rude, there is no need to argue: block them, report them if it is serious, and carry on with the people you enjoy.

Staying safe in chat rooms

The same protections that cover the rest of Single 60s apply in the rooms. Images, videos and text are screened as they are uploaded, explicit images are blurred with a warning, and other members only ever see your username and nearest town, never your street, real name or email address. Blocking someone stops them seeing you or writing to you, and you can report a message from inside the conversation in a few seconds.

Scammers do turn up in chat rooms, because rooms are full of friendly people. Watch for these scripts:

• A newcomer who singles you out, moves quickly to private messages and declares strong feelings within days.
• Talk of a can't-miss investment, often in cryptocurrency, with an offer to "show you how".
• An urgent problem only money can solve: a ticket home, a medical bill, a parcel stuck in customs.
• Pressure to carry on the chat on WhatsApp, Telegram or email. Single 60s warns you when someone tries this, because outside the site nobody is watching.

If you see any of these, stop replying, report the profile and block it. You can also report scams to the ACCC's Scamwatch service, and serious online abuse to the eSafety Commissioner. Our guide to romance scams over 60 explains the warning signs in full, and our safety page covers the free ID check and the Verified badge.

Starting your own group chat

On VIP, a private group chat is a good way to turn a few online friends into a real outing. Keep it small to begin with: four to eight people you have already chatted with one to one. Give the chat a name that says what it is for, such as "Saturday markets walk" or "Film club, Thursday", so nobody wonders why they were invited. Suggest a public place, a date and a time, and let people say no without needing a reason. After the outing, the chat becomes the place to share photos and plan the next one. If anyone makes the group uncomfortable, report them just as you would anywhere else on the site.

From a chat room to a cuppa

Most good friendships move through the same stages: a few conversations in a room, a private chat, a phone or video call, then a coffee somewhere public. There is no need to hurry any of them. A video call is the polite way to check that someone matches their photos, and ten minutes of talking tells you more than a week of typing.

When you do meet, choose a café, a gallery or a botanic garden in daylight, make your own way there and back, and tell a friend where you will be. Our first date ideas over 60 suggest easy places in every capital city.

New to chatting on a phone or tablet?

If typing on a small screen feels fiddly, you are not alone, and a few settings make a big difference. Most phones let you make the text larger in the display settings, and the microphone on the keyboard lets you speak a message instead of typing it. Be Connected, a free Australian Government program for older Australians, has short online lessons on using a phone, staying safe online and video calling, and community groups across the country offer help in person.

Above all, remember that everyone in the room was new once. If you are feeling a little lonely as well as curious, our guide to feeling lonely after 60 has more ideas for bringing people back into your week.